The clock showed 11.39. Aarti was already in bed but not yet fully
asleep. I eased down on the cot and slid myself under the quilt. She
stirred a little, opened her eyes slightly to check upon the
disturbance.
(1)
It was a window downtown
I was dared to admire
People talked about how it caused pain
And dealt the valiant ones before me who dared
With huge losses than the bidden for gain
Being the scared little guy I was
And upon being picked on and teased for the same
I deemed I'd go peer in
and hence forever thwart the bullies of their game
Straight to the window I went
Said a prayer, tucked my cloak
A deep breath and right in front I stood
and like an idiot straight into the widow I gawked.
I didn’t die, the world didn't halt
There was nothing but another window in it
I had had enough and as I turned to bolt
I was inside that window
And I didn’t know how or why.
(2)
I couldn’t gather why people were so cynical
Albeit a little violent and parched
Everything around was simply surreal.
It wasn't anything like the populace did declare
Something from which one would turn, vamoose
'coz now tout de suite you are aware
If you know not what's holding the noose
the rocks would strip your hull bare.
I shuffled on a little
now looking down a cliff totally numb
something from within declared, "jump!"
That I wouldn’t be hurt and if at all
The pain n loss would be worth it all.
I jumped…
(3)
There was beauty in the promise,
on the path to infinity
the scorched plains around did offer
There was beauty in the puzzle,
on the path to infinity
the violent emptiness around did offer
There was beauty in the mystery,
on the path to infinity
the enticing voice pushing me on, did offer
And as the soul of it all rests,
in the many-many unique imperfections
I knew, though I wouldn’t yet confess
I just found the sole reason why I exist.
(4)
Now at the eye of it all
it to my eyes was a puzzle
like a glowing meteor in eye of a crater
A meteor that screamed danger
Yet a meteor one couldn’t resist touching.
It was...
Hot as in conscious
But then cold when touched
Rigid as in insecure
But amorphic when touched
Wild as in scared
But then meek when touched
Serene as in lucid
but quite the Rubik's when touched
There was quite a clamor
I stopped to exist
It stopped to exist
Somehow I was to it
And it was to me
Infused or diffused
And now I knew it n it me.
And to me or maybe it is to us
everything had clarity.
The way her eyes slowly closed reminded me of a sleepy kitten. She has always reminded me of a kitten.
The
power went out following an electrocution like faint noise outside. A
branch of a tree should have fallen atop the electric lines somewhere, I
reckoned. The street lights had gone out too and now her face was
illuminated by the quite bright moonlight streaming in through the
windows. It felt like the moon was taking a peek at her. "Peeping bald
bastard", I mimed with my lips and closed the drapes.
She
was still glowing in the diffused moonbeams streaming in through the
transparent white curtains. I couldn’t take my eyes of her face. My mind
was elated and whispered to itself, "Good lord, she is beautiful".
Suddenly reminded I am an agnostic I corrected it to “My good Big Bang,
she is beautiful". I cringed my nose at the lame joke I read somewhere a
long time ago. She'd laugh at it though I thought. She always laughs at
my jokes even when I thought they weren't funny. She’d even tell bits
of my lame jokes to herself and go on laughing fits on her own. I wanted
to kiss her but as the air conditioner had been now off-line for some
time and as I knew the heat would soon wake her up, I decided to let the
heat do the job in case she woke up on the wrong side. She had only
just fallen asleep.
She soon stirred in the heat and
climbed out of the quilt making fuzzy noises. Her face was now in the
shadows some trees outside were casting. She saw at me staring at her
and annoyingly asked, "what?” I shrugged and blinked with a light smile.
I raised my right arm in the air and asked her to roll in. She rolled
back into me and now we were spooning. I rubbed my nose on her nape and
hugged her tightly. She smelt like home. She felt a little bit sweaty
and all but when you are in the realization that, the love of your life
is the one in your arms such physical things tend to magically
disappear. My mind juggled with that word 'magic'… it wasn't magic, it
made perfect sense… the disappearance of everything else was very
logical… I was slightly angry with my mind for using the word 'magic'. I
didn’t know why.
She shuffled n turned… I looked into her eyes…
There they were again… I could see the magic windows which granted me peace.
I said, "if only u could see what I see"
She hooked her sleepy eyebrows and rolled her eyes, clearly annoyed by the heat and probably me pestering.
She asked, "Did you turn off the ac?"
I was still in her eyes and blankly stated, "your eyes"
"what?"
"They look like craters", I said
"what?"
"Your eyes"
"yup, I heard, they look like craters"
She continued now very irritated n confused, "did u turn off the ac?"
"Nope", I replied and rolled her back into me.
"Kumpa, enikku chood edukunnu*...” she chuffed. (*"kumpa, it’s too hot")
Extreme Irritation always brought her mother tongue 'Malayalam' on her tongue. It’s a tell.
Like
a mother cat does to a kitten, I bit slightly on her scruff, shook my
head and pretended to pull her even more closer and tightened my grip. I
could feel a smile slowly emerging on her though her face was facing
the other side. Adhering to one of our really strange routine, she
acknowledged back with a rather quiet and soft 'mew'.
The
power came back on. The air conditioner came back to life with a rather
loud sound and it slowly drowned out. I loosened my grip. She readjusted
some folds of her night gown, reached overhead switched on the ceiling
fan and then she pulled the quilt over both of us. I had to leer away to
avoid her knuckles on my nose. She didn’t seem to notice. She cozied
back into me.
Still pondering over her magical eyes, I
repeated in my mind, "if only you could see what I see", and kissed her
on the back of her neck. Then just like that she took my right hand off
her, kissed my palm and as if she read my mind said, "Write it down for
me tomorrow okay."
I was in the seventh heavens. My eyes welled up. I had to hear that again. So acting as if she was unclear I asked, "What?".
"The thing right… You know…" and she yawned
"The
thing... that you wished I could see… eyes, craters, meteors… and
whatever that was… write it down for me tomorrow okay". She waited for a
few seconds expecting my reply.
"Okay?" she asked once
more. This time she actually started yawning in the middle of ‘okay’, so
it was an ‘Ooogaaaaayy’ rather than an okay...
I kissed
her on her nape in response. She kissed my palm again and hugged on to
it. I got a feeling if I didn’t stop bothering her now, things might go
south…
I was now filled with what I think of as eternal joy. I should be the luckiest man on earth, I told myself.
The wind swayed the trees outside and the curtains. The shadows shifted. I could see her nape again. There was a hickey on it.
